Customer Service Is DEAD..!

Obligatory Rant Warning..!

Sometimes *composes thoughts*… Sometimes, I get a little passionate about things. And sometimes, this is not always in a good way (this just happens to be one of those times). So, I’m giving fair warning to all potential readers (not that I think for one minute that anyone actually reads this stuff. But, best to err on the side of caution, right?), that some expletives may be found in the following blog. #KeepingItReal

 

May It {Sadly} Rest In Peace…

In the many decades I’ve been alive, there has been a marked decline in what used to be know as; “Customer Service”. Time was, if you were unhappy with a product or service from a business, then said business would do their utmost to make amends. Because everyone knows that a happy customer is a potential returning customer. Customer Service was a thing to be proud of. It showed how committed a business was to its supply of said product(s) and/or service(s) that it provided, and to the satisfaction of its paying customers.

But no more, it seems. Customer Service is dead. The term is now just two words carelessly flung together (adhered with spit and an odd brown shoelace, found at the back of the ‘bits & bobs’ drawer) and thrown about with wanton abandon. All so that businesses can tick a box to say; “Yes. Yes we do care about Customer Service” (as they quietly whisper; “but, only in a superficial way”), whilst smiling directly at your face, taking your hard-earned cash with one hand, and surreptitiously having their fingers crossed behind their backs with the other…

You see it, too, in job descriptions (whenever I’ve been in the unfortunate position to have had to apply for jobs with businesses); “…must be customer focused…”, etc. Which is all find and dandy, but where are the people that physically get these jobs, based off that description..? ‘Cus they’re sure as hell aren’t on that business’s front-line Customer Service or call centre staff.

 

When Did It Happen..?

Remember that scene from the original Back To The Future movie, where Marty McFly is walking through Hill Valley town square, after landing back in 1955..? (If you’ve not seen this movie, or its two sequels, then you should definitely go check ’em out. Right now. Go on, I’ll wait). In that scene there is a shot of the town gas station (here in the UK we’d call it a petrol station) where a car rolls onto the forecourt and four attendants run to the car. The first opens the bonnet and checks the oil, the second checks the tyre (tire for those of you in the USA) pressure, the third cleans the windshield, whilst the fourth runs to the pump, presumably to fill up the car. All of this is done without the driver having to get out of their vehicle. Customer. Service.

I remember, as a child, being taken into Sheffield town centre (locals call it ‘town’, even though Sheffield is the fourth largest city in the UK. Actually, anyone born in Sheffield would most likely pronounce it ‘taan’) by my mother, so she could buy Whispering Grass, as sung by Don Estelle and Windsor Davies, on 7” vinyl. We went to Atkinsons Department Store (sadly, the last remaining true department store in Sheffield) and being able to listen to the record in one of two small sound booths to the side of the counter. I suppose in today’s streaming culture, this type of thing is now redundant, anyway. But, how many of the dwindling contemporary music stores still offer this service..?

Somewhere between then and now, that kind of Customer Service (like the ill-fated Norwegian Blue) has ceased to exist. It’s quite clear to me that “Customer Service” (as a concept and an applied practice) died out in the late 70s/early 80s, and what passes for it today is just impotent lip service to that long forgotten idea…

 

Case Study

What follows is the entire transcript (warts and all, as they say) of consecutive posts I made on Facebook, after dealing with non-existent Customer Service. Also (as a Yorkshireman and a ‘rocker’), I am an expert in the correct use of the apostrophe.

 

The Decline in Customer Service Part II: The COVID Years. {Long Rant Warnin’..!}

I recently spent just under £91 of my limited cash on art supplies from Culture Hustle for a Christmas themed project I am recordin’ for a YouTube video {which, incidentally, I was aimin’ to upload today or over the weekend}. I placed the order on the Friday and paid £6.50 for a Royal Mail Tracked 24 shipping service. Now, I will point out that there were other delivery options {more and less expensive} from Royal Mail & from Hermes. As the tracked option from Hermes was more expensive the the Royal Mail option I {in hindsight, stupidly} opted for Royal Mail…

The order was placed at 11:31am on the Friday. I thought the best case scenario would be that it would be dispatched the same day to potentially receive it on the followin’ Monday, and the worst case scenario would be that it would be dispatched on Monday to potentially receive it on Tuesday {at the earliest or Wednesday at the latest}…

I got a text {from an unknown source} at 4:06am on Saturday that my “order from Culture Hustle had been shipped” and supplied the RM trackin’ number. Could still get it by Monday {I thought}…

As expected, it didn’t arrive Monday. That evenin’ at 8pm, I got a text from Royal Mail to say that my items were “due on Tuesday, 8th Dec between 9:21am & 1:21pm”. Sweet..! I checked the trackin’, which stated that my items were at Warrington Mail Centre at 7:59pm, and reiterated the time and dates in the text. I deliberately stayed home and eagerly awaited its arrival…

…which didn’t happen..! Okay, so we still have the worst case scenario for a Wednesday delivery…

…which also didn’t happen..! I emailed Culture Hustle {I replied to the order confirmation, as per email} later that afternoon to see how l long I should wait before I should worry. No reply. Not even an automated one. I checked RM tackin’ again, which still stated my items were at Warrington MC…

I spoke to my extremely nice postperson on Thursday mornin’ {when they didn’t knock on my door, so ran outside} just to enquire. They suggested that it may be delivered separately and “come on the van” later in the day…

…which DID. NOT. HAPPEN..! Even though my postie explained to me that “they” {meanin’ Royal Mail as a whole} had been deliverin’ up to 9pm at night…

Here we are at Friday and still no art supplies. I sent another email to Culture Hustle and, as yet, I’ve had no reply. Havin’ already been run around the Royal Mail website more than twice, I decided to message @RoyalMailHelp directly on Twitter {now X}, to see if they could shed any light. I just got the stock, knee-jerk answers; “dates & times stated aren’t a guarantee”, et cetera, et cetera, yadda, yadda, yadda…

No other business would get away with this bullshit..! If Royal Mail were plumbers and said they’d be ’round at 7am, Tues to fix a leaky pipe, but still hadn’t arrived by 7:15am, you’d be on the phone to see where they were. If they then turned around and stated “dates & times stated aren’t a guarantee”, they’d be quickly out of business..!

I gave a scathin’ reply to @RoyalMailHelp as to their lack of actual information regardin’ the whereabouts of my stuff, to which they have {at the time of postin’} declined to comment…

Businesses should be banned from usin’ the term “Customer Service” from any website, social media output or printed literature, if they have a track record provin’ otherwise and fined for continual usage of the term, if the situation doesn’t improve…

Royal Mail should also be banned from promotin’ a service that suggests any sort of time restriction that they clearly have no intention of keepin’. How about changin’ Royal Mail Tracked 24 to Royal Mail Tracked You Should Be So F’kin’ Lucky, and Royal Mail Tracked 48 to Royal Mail Tracked Whenever We F’kin’ Feel Like It..! Change 1st Class to “Standard Delivery” and 2nd Class to “In Detention”. I bet if they had to compensate every customer, pro-rata, for the amount of time over an implied delivery time, they wouldn’t last long at all…

It’s the consumer that suffers EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Times are hard enough, at present, without havin’ to deal with this shit..!

And before anyone decides to comment with “but COVID-19” or “Brexit”, Customer Service was circlin’ the drain way, Way, WAY before these two f’kers raised their twattin’ heads…

To be fair, I should’ve expected this shite from Royal Mail, havin’ worked in a Mail Centre for 10 years, and for their IT division for a further 2 years. What I DIDN’T expect was the lack of any response from Culture Hustle. I’m more than a little disappointed, Stuart Semple, more than a little disappointed, indeed…

 

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The Decline Of Customer Service Part II: The COVID Years [UPDATE]

Further to my last post: before goin’ to sleep last night, I decided to check the RM trackin’ for my art stuff, and to my surprise it stated that it had actually gotten to Sheffield Mail Centre at 11:03pm..! Woohoo…! {Spoiler Alert: Early celebration}

When I awoke this mornin’ at 8:00am, I immediately checked my phone {I put it on silent when I’m sleepin’} and I’d had a text, at 7:15am from Royal Mail to say that my stuff would be “delivered today between 9:25am & 1:21pm” {remember these times}. Sweet..!

I was in a good mood. I planned out what I’d get done today and how I would do it. Today was gonna be a productive day…

Then, when I came downstairs {at around 8:30am}, I saw the dreaded red card tauntin’ me from my letterbox. My heart sank, and I rushed over to see if they’d been kind enough to just leave it in my blue bin…

No. No they had not…

They’d “attempted” to delivery my stuff at {wait for it} 7-fF’KIN’-40AM AND TAKEN IT BACK TO THE F’KIN’ DELIVERY OFFICE..! Gillette was awake from 6am and never heard a f’kin’ thing. WHAT DID YOU KNOCK ON THE DOOR WITH, A TWATIN’ FEATHER DUSTER.!?

In a fit of rage, I went online to see when the earliest redelivery would be: NEXT TWATTIN’ TUESDAY..! Royal Mail; are you doin’ this to me, ‘cus I had the audacity to publicly complain about your shitty services and practices..? Are you doin’ this to me in the hopes of causin’ an aneurysm.!?

YOU ARE, WITHOUT DOUBT, THE BIGGEST C*NT IN THE WHOLE POSTAL SERVICE INDUSTRY..! A C*NT OF THE HIGHEST ORDER..!

If you can’t even stick to your own f’kin’ timescales, THEN DON’T F’KIN’ OFFER ANY..!!!

And don’t give me any bullshit about Christmas pressure, as I worked 12 YEARS for you in the past and know exactly what it’s like at this time of year. I used to do two weeks of 12-hour nights, to get the mail through, and even THEN there were slack periods. PLUS, the amount of casual workers you bring in, you have NO F’KIN’ EXCUSES..!!!

Why should we {the PAYIN’ customers} continue to give you our hard earned cash, when you can’t even guarantee next day delivery for what you claim to be a “1st Class Service”. You don’t even remember the twattin’ MEANIN’ of that phrase, any more…

A 1st Class Service is havin’ breakfast in a top notch hotel and havin’ each flake of my cereal flown in individually by male Splendid Fairy Wrens {when they’re in their blue plumage}, which drop them into my bowl. Then the chilled milk to be poured over virginal breasts, so that it drips from the nipples over the flakes. THAT IS A FUCKIN’ 1ST CLASS SERVICE, ‘CUS IF I’M F’KIN’ PAYIN’ FOR IT, THEN THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I F’KIN’ EXPECT..!

This is the 21st f’kin’ century, and even WITH all your pedallin’ to catch up, you’re business practices are still in the f’kin’ 18th century. Like the dinosaurs, you need to become extinct and let the new, adaptable mail carriers take your place. ‘Cus they {for the majority of the time} do your job better, faster and {relatively} more consistently…

 

As you can probably tell, I was not having a good couple of days. Anger management, I hear some of you say..? Surely, I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if only others would learn to manage their incompetence and stupidity. Plus, I’m a lot calmer these days (honest).

 

Customer Service Ambivalence

When it comes to what Customer Service means today, there has been a definite and deliberate, slow and surreptitious transfer of responsibility from stores (and to some extent, service providers) onto us, the consumer. Where previously, if a purchased product failed within the warranty period, you’d take said failed product back to the store (or arrange for it to be picked up if it was a bulky item) for a direct replacement. So it was then the store’s responsibility to sort. You then had a brand spanking new item; happy customer.

Nowadays, you can’t contact the retailer any more (well, you can, but they’ll not do anything), you have to get in touch with the manufacturer, directly. Which is no easy task, at least if you want to physically talk to a human, that is. And even if you do get to talk to someone, you have to go through the whole fault finding process (whether you’ve already done so, because you’re an expert manual reader and can follow instructions), or not.

It’s a sad fact that society (as a whole) has somehow come to accept an almost zero level of Customer Service, as being “The Norm”, and pretty much expect it. Businesses don’t really give a shit (as long as they have your cash) and will procrastinate for as long as possible before bothering to investigating your issue, and (in some very rare instances) maybe even actually get around to sortin’ it out to your satisfaction.

 

All Is Not Lost

Maybe I should’ve titled this blog; Customer Service Is Mostly Dead. As Miracle Max stated in the excellent classic movie that is, The Princess Bride (part of which was filmed on the outskirts of Sheffield, FYI}; “…mostly dead is slightly alive”.

There are a plethora of small, local businesses and crafters (like Silverhand Creative) around the world, that do take pride in the work they create and/or the services they provide. They have to; it’s their livelihood that’s at stake. Yes, they may be more expensive than the flood of throw-away Chinese imports you can get on Amazon, Temu, Shien, etc . But these people put their hearts and souls into everything they do, to create items that could last a lifetime (see my blog on Cheap vs Cost Effective).

And, after all, that is the most precious thing in a world of faceless, uncaring corporations and big business. #SupportLocalBusinesses #BuyLocal